one of the many things i hate abt myself is tht im selfish,i hve no regard of ne one's felings atleast not my family's..sumtyms i feel so bad treatin my sis the way i do..i shud b der for her...not lik she needs me or nethng...bt u knw for sisterly lov o sumthng lik dt...n m not sayin dis cs i feel bad for her...i feel bad for myself...cos sumday this is all gonna turn around...evrything is gonna cum screaming back to me..hw ungrateful n selfish i hve been...i take evryone i lov n evryone who lovs me for granted..no wonder eventually evryone i luv goes away in sum way or the odr..n dts why i pity myself...n the worst part is i don even try to change inspite of knowin evrythng..may b its becos im so angry wid myself for makin so many wrong decisions...for screwin up...m angry at the world cos they wont gimme a second chance..n not lik its gonna matter....cos m dead on the inside...
upfront i betcha no one knws wht i feel...n i don blame them..i don want them to knw...thts why m always laughin n foolin around...bt evrytime i close my eyes..im scared...m petrified by the shadows tht haunt me...m defeated by thoughts of my past n future...i knw m ridin for a fall n yet i cnt help it or rather i don wanna help it...m exhausted ....
so wts my saving grace?..loneliness...belive it or not..being lonely actually makes me feel better now...u knw i lov to cos pain to myself...i lov to cry...ha ha...insane isnt it...
hey don worry m not a psycho or nethng..m jst learning to live..when u luk around wht do u see?...i see ppl runnin past me...i dunno wer or wen...n truly speakin evryone i knw hs mastered the art of livin...evryone is strivin to make their lives better at the expense of neone or nethg..evryone seems so selfish sumtyms...jst like me...i mean i must hve heard like a million sob stories...ppl who keep whining abt hw miserable my life is...i knw ur probably thinkin m a hypocrate cos m whinin away rytin all this...bt this is different...m not forcin neone to read it....
n m not the type who dsnt undrstnd tht sumtyms ppl need sumone to tlk to..i perfectly undrstnd tht...bt im tlkin abt those ppl who no matter wt the time always tlk abt themselves...nuthng else is interestin enough or worse yet nuthng else is worthy of their time...yeah n ppl ask me why dont i express my feelings ..hw cn i??..wen evrywer i go..i feel like an agony aunt or better yet...a faithful pet..i must admit i lov being the agony aunt cos i get to knw evrythng n genuinely i don mind ppl telling me their probs..infact i love it..i really do..sorting sumone's life..bt my point is i wish they wud hear me...kinda like lemme raise my voice o sumthng or sumthng to tht effect...the thing is ive tried so many times..to say wht i feel bt sumhow it always ends up beiing abt u..n not abt me...n dts wer i drw the line n i stop tryin...so wht im wonderin now..is wht happens to sumone who is selfish,overconfident,arrogant,cruel,short tempered n who hs kept millions of anger bombs n pain balls locked up in her??...wht happens when they explode??...ill tell u wt happens..the girl dies..dies forevr...gr8 story n she lives happily evr aftr as a witch or a bitch..wtevr suits u...so much for her happy endin..wanna be my saving grace???..don even dare...peace.
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